Korean advertsing...

I'm sorry, but someone really ought to have thought this one through a little more when they sent it to press....LMAO Picture is real, and taken at a pattiserie in a South Korean holiday resort hotel I visited recently.

@copyright colandsue_uk@yahoo.co.uk

Johnny Cab

I have a new best friend……

My journey to work has taken a new twist – I am being stalked! Not by some weirdo in a grey mac, or love smitten bimbo (chance would be a fine thing!) but by a taxi driver!

It all started some time last week, when waiting patiently at the taxi rank, waiting for a ride to work, that my new mate rolled up and I got in. I gave my usual Konglish directions and pointed the way, just in case he was one of those “I don’t go South of the river, mate!” kind of guys. Off we went, and he started to jabber away to me in Korean. I pointed out I didn’t speak much Korean, but this fact was clearly lost on him. He carried on rattling away about something or other, and I just kept nodding in agreement and saying “yeah” every so often as if I knew what he was on about. This went on for the whole ride. I decided to call him Johnny Cab.

It is usual practice to pay a little extra 1000KRW, about 50p in English, as the ride out to the complex has few return passengers. I duly paid up my cash, and got out the cab. He headed off into the morning sun, I headed into the plant thinking nothing of it.

Next morning, I was walking towards the taxi stand to collect my morning ride, and I heard a horn blip a few times behind me. It was Johnny Cab! For those who don’t know who Johnny Cab is, he is a robotic taxi driver from the Arnold Schwarzenegger film, Total Recall. This character, talks inanely about everything and anything, and doesn’t shut up. It seemed that this was a good description of this guy.

We headed of for the plant, and sure enough, the chatter started up and carried on for the whole ride. I could understand if he wanted to try and practice English, or perhaps try and teach me a bit of Korean, but no, this was events such as what he had for dinner last night, what was on the telly tonight, and where he was going at the weekend, or so it seemed, as I didn’t have a clue what he was on about. Even then numerous time I gestured I didn’t understand what he was saying, or made a small gap between my thumb and fore-finger and said “Aneyo Korean”, which means no Korean, it made no difference whatsoever. I paid for the ride and got out, thinking I must have met the strangest taxi driver in Korea.

Next morning, I headed once again down to the rank. Once again, I heard a blip-blip of a car horn. He was behind me again.

Dear Agony Aunt, I think he’s lying in wait for me now, and I’m getting worried! What should I do?

House warming party...

We threw a much overdue and expected party on Saturday night. It was overdue in the main, due to the focus and pressure of getting the plant approved to the quality system for automotive products. It was expected, as it seems to be Korean tradition, that as soon as you move into a new place, it has to be blessed with Soju and Mecju. We have the same traditions back in the UK, but there is never pressure to make sure it happens. The pressure is subtle, with comments from your work colleagues such as “are you having a party then?” Subtle as a brick!

Anyway, we relented and decided we would throw one after the approval. We thought about how we would pick some foody stuff with European slants along with Korean traditions etc etc, then thought to hell with it, lets get the caterers in! We used a local company who our neighbours used on their party back in November. They offered menu A-D with varying types and quantity of foods, hot and cold. We were told they would come into the apartment, set up all the tables, linen, supply all plates, utensils, tables and cutlery etc. They then came back the next day and cleared up after you, including disposal of all food remains and rubbish etc. All we had to do was scrape the plates into a bag, and chuck away the wooden chop-sticks etc. Easy!

We ordered a suitable menu, exchanged a few dishes for ones we liked the look of, and named the day. Bear in mind we booked the caterer only 3 days in advance of the do itself, something that would not have been possible back in UK – these things usually take weeks of notice! Come the day, the van turns up, and I get a call from the guys in the van – “we are at the apartment, can you let us in please” In they come, and start to beaver away. 4 trellis tables, a bit like wallpaper pasting tables are set up by the big picture window, which are then dressed with linen and wrapped with a valance. On these are set up hot Ban-Marie’s for the hot food items, and next to these, big sliver platters crammed with the cold items. 6 smaller version tables, about coffee table height, are placed in the middle of the floor. These get the linen treatment too, and are the traditional Korean dining tables, where they sit on the floor and eat. I considered sitting on the floor too, but decided that my back would not allow me to get back up after a prolonged period of cross-legging it. The sofa would do fine for me.

6:30, and all was prepared. The door bell rang, and a couple of plants arrived – not just a small potted plant, oh-no! This was a tree! In a pot! It had a Korean banner on it, which I learned later said, “From the company COO - be lucky!” The other plant was a rubber tree affair, which was a little smaller. We just had to wait on our guests arriving. Again, in the UK, no-one ever turns up on time. How surprised were we to find the door bell ringing away at dead on 7:00pm. Apart from the plants, we found out it is Korean tradition that a typical house warming gift is either boxes of clothes detergent, tissues or toilet roll! We now have enough tissue to fight the world’s cases of swine flu, and wipe it’s bum too.

The typical thing when you invite the work colleagues is that they generally come alone. I had to specifically ask them to bring their families along with them. Several were taken aback by this suggestion, but brought them nonetheless. Food was tucked into straight away, and the women and children went into our spare room, where we had set up a table especially for the children with lots of brightly coloured E numbered foods and pizza slices. We bought 4 lar-gee size pizzas from our local pizza guy, as we thought the kids would like these. It turned out that most of the guys tucked into it as well!

Food was well underway, and much Soju was being consumed with Mecju chasers. A couple of bottle of white wine were on hand for the ladies. Following traditions, the Soju was poured by the person next to the drinker, and then the drinker poured the servers drink. No-one ever pours their own drink here while in formal gatherings. We had the I-pod on the go, playing through the TV for background noise, and at about 8:00pm, the requests came in. Not for music of a certain genre, or favourite track – Oh-no, they wanted to watch the footie on the TV! In particular, they wanted to watch Man U play Arsenal in the premier league. Who was I to deny them watching one of their sporting hero’s Kim JiSung playing for Manchester united. Korean’s are footie daft! Once the game was over, it was back to normality? I-Pod tinkling away in background, and clinking of many Soju bottles, it was time for the Korean bachelors club to turn on the charm with our invited USA English teachers Gena and Samantha. These girls met up with Sue on a girls night out a couple of weeks ago who were friends with our Canadian neighbours. It was only right Sue should have a couple of girls who she could relate to on the night. It got a bit confusing who was actually trying to chat who up, as I guess the girls get a lot of attention in Korea, and are used to playing them back at their own game. Some of the chat up lines were very familiar, such as I have money, or property, and I am a good catch yadda-yadda! But one line did make me smile! “I have insurance!” piped up one guy, who is already married. I pointed out his wedding band on his finger, and this was quickly removed with him muttering to me “oh – mistake!” He didn’t get very far anyway, as the girls were switched on and bounced them all back.
Our COO joined us for the party, and seemed to have a good time. He left around 11:00pm, and said his farewells. After he left, all the other Korean guys were making moves to leave, but I told them it was too early, and they all sat back down again. It turns out that parties held at homes, don’t go on for very long, and they all tend to leave early – they were about to get a bit of European culture this time. They all looked at each other, something was said about all the available Soju on offer, and sat back down again. The party went on for about another hour or so, then they all started to make moves. I didn’t try to stop them a second time. Our Western friends stayed on to party for about another hour or so, then headed of, as some children were ready for bed. We tidied up a bit, then hit the sack ourselves. It wasn’t through too much drink, but rather the fact that it was all over, and we had gotten ourselves hyped up for the party.

We are looking forward to the next party!

Out with the boys.....

It is usual practice to take your fellow employees out on occasion for a bit of a knees-up, and I have been found guilty of not performing this task during the 3 months we have been here. Apparently, I am told this is written into my job description in invisible ink.

I could blame this on being focused on gaining the much sought after quality approval for the group, of which we were the last, and it all depended on us getting it for the group as a whole, or I could just say it’s the short-armed, long-pocketed aspect of my Scottishness coming out. I’ll go for the former.

A typical Korean night out, usually starts of with a late working night leaving at around 7:00pm and heading straight to the barbeque restaurant. These can either be benches with chairs around, or low tables where you sit on the floor with legs crossed and tuck in. I prefer the benches and chairs type – I might be able to get down on the floor and cross my legs, but would need someone to pick me up and carry me home with legs still crossed.

Food on the table is usually all ready prepared, and features such tasty treats such as Kimchi (the spicy pickled cabbage), a small plate with onions and vinegar, some dipping sauces, salad leaves and almost certainly, whole green chillies. A tub of hot coals is brought to the table, usually placed into a hole inset into the table. On top of this is placed a wire mesh, and the cooking can begin. It can be a little unnerving to have a plate of raw meat at your table, which is thrown onto the mesh in a large slab to sizzle away in front of you. If you are big into home barbeques, then this will not present any issues whatsoever. Any smoke from the BBQ (remember, this is indoors in a restaurant!) is taken away through a tube above the pot, connected to a chimney system – all the table have one above the pot hole. This can be raised and lowered during the cooking process to allow access to the meat which is cut into chunks during the process by some scissor wielding maniac who looks after your table. Is really is an experience!

During the cook time, drinking of Soju is compulsory, as is the practice of making toasts to whatever you might fancy. Pouring Soju is a very strict and sombre practice, which involves much deference to your superior, or elders, and reciprocation when receiving the drink from them. One of the first questions you get asked when you arrive in Korea, is “How old are you?” This is not them practicing their English skills on you, but a means of determining where you might be in the pecking order of things. Once this order is known and understood, then it becomes usual practice for the juniors to pour the seniors drink with one hand on the bottle, and the other either cupping the imaginary sleeve of the pouring arm, or placed onto the right breast. You never pour your own drink, but have another member of the party do this for you. If a senior pours your drink, then the glass has to be cupped with both hands to show respect, if an equal or junior pours, then its hand out and fill the glass. If you empty the glass, then the drink will be poured for you again. This will go on until you get very, very drunk, or if you’re a bit wise to the practice, then leave a bit in the bottom of the glass, and generally you get left alone. This works fine in theory unless you are out with a bunch of party animals, and they just keep topping you up.

Beware of the following practice though, as it can lead to stupid-ness, but does deliver a laugh if someone has a low tolerance of alcohol. Beer over here is called Mecju and served the usual way in a beer glass, the sweet potato drink Soju is delivered in a shot glass. Combine these two together in the same glass, called a dive bomber back home is called a SoMec here. Not for the faint hearted, it tastes of nothing other than a watered down beer, but the punch it packs and subsequent headaches the next morning makes you regret being stupid the night before. I keep telling myself I will learn. I like our Canadian neighbours description of Soju – Retard Juice!

After the meal, when more Mecju’s Soju’s and SoMec’s are consumed it’s time to pay. Whoever does the inviting out for the evening usually pays, and on this occasion it was me. Fortunately, I was able to convince my boss that the evening was to be a part celebration, part morale boosting and part team-bonding session, and got presented with the corporate card – Result!

The down side with a load of drunken rowdy Koreans, a Canadian and a Scottish person, is they don’t know when to stop, and session 1 becomes session 2 in one of the plethora of bars and clubs in and around Ansan. Session 2 can quickly degenerate into session 3 and you see how it goes. It’s not uncommon to stagger out of a taxi in the very wee hours of the morning just to change and head straight back into work. I’ve done this a couple of times now, and it’s not healthy!

The downside to all this? Pickled livers, garlic breath (which doesn’t go down well when cuddling up to your wife who hasn’t had any, and she complains you stink!) headaches and hangovers!

I’m never going out again! (Until the next time)

Pink eared dogs!

We've been busy over the holiday weekend. Friday was Bhudda's birthday, and it turns out to be a Korean public holiday. Holidays are a bit like red traffic lights though, as they tend not to be compulsory. I got called into the plant due to a spot-visit by one of our major customers. I headed into the plant having arranged for one of my English speaking colleagues to be present. Unfortunately, he had another meeting arranged with a motorcycle on the way into work, and ended up scraping the guy off the road and taking him to hospital. I hung around feeling as useful as a chocolate fireguard, as I had no clue as to what they were on about. I lasted for about 2 hours and decided to head back to the apartment. I would pick up what went on when I went back to work on the following Wednesday.

Once I got back, we decided to head over to Ansan station, where there was a indoor market around the entrance. We needed to top up Sue's mobile phone with minutes, and as we had no clue how to do this, we went back to the place where we bought it. A short while later, we were topped up, and armed with a card which purported to give an extra 180 minutes later, but agaon, something was lost in translation, and we have no clue how to use it! We'll attempt that one when the minutes run out later!. We wandered around the shops in Ansan station, which seems to be a mini Phillipines, as this is where a lot of the migrant workforce seem to live. The shops were full of mobile phones, and pigs faces, not all in the same place I might add. The rest of the day was spent lazily, and enjoying our time together.

Saturday brought lots of warm sunshine and a load of light aircraft, due to a festival of leisure flight on at the local aerodrome right next to the apartment complex. This started off with parachuters jumping out of a helicopter down to the airfiled. I can never understand why anyone would want to jump out of a perfectly good functioning aircraft, regardless of how good it might look or feel! Lots of fly-pasts with pipers, cessnas and other aircraft I dont have a clue about, making lots of noise and no doubt enthralling the locals with expensive 5 minute trips around the marshland then back onto terra-firma. This festival is on for a few days, coinciding with the Ansan street art festival taking place in Ansan lake park and city centre. It's here we had our encounter with the pink-eared dogs. Not one but several could be spotted following behind their owners, probably wondering why they being the centre of attention. I felt sorry for the poor things, as they know not of the ridicule of which they are subject!